Tuesday, February 19, 2008

I miss my Dad

I am jealous and feel pity to see my friends having a dad. I feel that I am not secure everyday. I miss my dad very much. I keep praying that even in my dreams he will hug me, talk to me but until now I cannot feel his presence in my dream. Maybe or just a coincidence that my boyfriend is older than me. I want to have a father image that feels me secure. But having no father is not the cause of being unhappy.

February 25 is the birthday of my late dad. Eight days after his birthday he died, the next month thats March 12 its the birthday of my mom.Very painful to us knowing that we grew up too dependent to him. I know God has a plan to us...... Just keep trusting on Him/......


  1. maam..its me hiro_nakamura. my bestfriend wheng wrote something about his dad..kakainggit..
    When I was younger, I always love
    going with my Dad to the Park. It was
    one of the best places in the city
    where you can relax. The park is
    facing the Davao Gulf. The fresh air
    gives a very relaxing ambiance to the
    people who viusits the park especially
    from afternoon till the park closes at
    10 PM. It was a once a month habit to
    my dad. We used to eat in an "ihaw-
    ihaw" restaurant inside the park
    before sitting in our favorite bench
    near the sea wall. The bench is under
    a small tree where you can hear the
    birds playing especially during

    A few years have passed, and the once
    a month habit became a twice a week
    routine. My dad told me that he wants
    to go the park with me more often
    because I get to be more mature to
    talk to and he enjoys talking to me
    about anything and everything while
    seated in the same bench.

    What was so funny was, he opens up our
    every conversation with the
    same "intro". He would say..."darating
    ang araw anak, itong bonding natin at
    mga kuwentuhan natin...lahat, alaala
    na lang." For several years of going
    with him to the park, I hear the same
    words before we start a good
    conversation. It even came to a point
    that I would jokingly interrupt him
    before he finishes the "intro"..."Oo
    na! oo na! pag dating ng araw, alaala
    na lang lahat ng 'to." then I'll tap
    his shoulder and start out a good talk.

    2 days ago(january 20), is exactly the
    10th year since then last time we've
    been to the park together. I can't
    forget the date because it's my
    sister's birthday.

    Unfortunately, I cant go to the said
    park bacause i'm working here in
    Makati. Now I realize how significant
    that "intro" was. I can still hear my
    dad's voice playing in my mind over
    and over again telling me that INTRO.

    I know, he really meant those words he
    said whenever we start a good talk.
    And that I know that he knew this time
    would come...that I would wish to get
    a chance again, to talk to him while
    sitting on that bench under the
    tree...like waht we used to do. His
    words were very encouraging,
    especially when Im in my lowest
    moments, that I thought almost
    impossible for me to smile and feel
    better. He always knew how to make me
    smile, and he knows what words would
    he use to hit me straight in the heart.

    He died of cancer 6 years ago. Loosing
    him was the most painfull for me that
    I can't get over it until now. BUt it
    was better that way, than to see him

    2 days ago was exactly 10 years since
    the last time I heard his INTRO. 10
    long years of longing to hear those
    words from him again. I am willing to
    give everything and anything just to
    spend a few seconds and hear the INTRO
    from him again. I swear I won't
    interrupt him, and ill never get tired
    of listening to him. How I wish i can
    sit again on that bench, even just for
    a second...even when IM alone. I know
    he would sit beside me and make me
    feel better now that I feel so down.

    He was the best dad....

  2. i never get tired of reading over and over again about that post he wrote..right after i read that post. i emaild him..telling him about my jealousy about his dad..and made another blogs that meant to hit me straight to my heart..here it is..

    From: Wheng Date: Wednesday, 23 January, 2008 6:29 PM Subject: a Broader sight... Message: My Best friend allen who is in Davao just wrote me a message. He felt sorry for me, at the same time, jealous. His dad died of heart attack a year before my dad passed away. It was just so sad to think that unlike me, he never had a quality time to have a good conversation with his dad. The good thing was, he treated my dad as his 2nd dad...and my dad looked at him as one of his sons. He is my best friend for years and my dad was one of the witnesses of our friendship that will make history.hehehe! I'm just so proud that someone testifies in favor of my words that my dad was a good man, a good adviser, a friend, and a mentor. My best friend just regrets that he never had the chance to get close to his dad like I was to my dad...but I know his dad personally, atleast in person. He might not speak a lot, he was not the sweet type of a dad,. But I know he was always proud of my best friend who was always responsible and true. Love is not measured in moments of time, but in timeless moments that's shared to your loved one. For others, love gets stronger by regular bonding, but for those who has Broader sights about love, even just the simple stares, a straight look in the eyes, a tap on the shoulder, and a simple touch will be remembered forever.End

    Thanks man. having a bestfriend like you is making life's more beautiful and meaningful. truly we stand against odds na jud. Im so thankful for having u as part of my life..God bless bro.

    January 23, 2008

    maam..you're not alone po..